Why I am saying goodbye to social media for a bit

Let me start by saying this post is not about bashing social media, it is not about me convincing you to give up social media or convince you why its “bad” this is a post on my personal beliefs on social media and why I feel the need to take a hiatus from it for a bit.

 Now let’s be real, I love social media just as must as the next person. I love seeing pictures and updates and feeling that sense of “community” via social media. I like that I can stay updated with people who inspire me and read/watch funny post. I also like that when I’m bored I can just scan my news feed and instantly be entertained! But recently I have been feeling convicted on my intentions and the thoughts that run through my mind while on social media. I feel like these are things that we blame on “human nature” but because of social media have now been even more heighten.


 1. The false sense of community: because of social media I get the feeling that I am  doing life with all 250+ friends. I get a sense of community because I get to comment on people’s lives and share in their good news. So up arises this false sense of community however the reality of it is, that there is no way I can genuinely do life with 250+. I need real life interactions that will not only share in the things I chose to post but in my everyday small mundane life situations.

2. Comparing myself to others: As I scroll through my feed I start to feel a sense of comparison, why do they get that? or how are they friends? why are they friends? I begin to compare the wonderful blessings I receive in my life to others which in turn robs me of the joy I receive from my blessing.

3. Because of number 2 I then grow bitter because I compare myself I then start to feel bitter towards people, I start to question their motives and doubt their happiness ( who am I to judge!?)

4. Because of number 2 and 3 jealousy starts appearing in my life. I become jealous of STUPID things, that on a normal everyday conversation I would never be jealous of!

5. Somehow I become God and judge everyone and their post. I look at pictures and post and say things in my mind such as "did she really wear that?" " I wouldn't post that picture" "Why I am not there?" "That baby is ugly" and other mean things, seriously I am not God nor do I want to be God, but for some reason I play that role as I go through my feed.

6. I want to engage in real life authentic conversation. I don't want to read what you did over your weekend I want to talk with you, hear your excitement or boredom lol. I want to make connections with you not by liking your post but encouraging you via a conversation.

Do the things I listed above happen every time I look at my feed? No, but they happen often enough that they have caused me to just take a brief moment and pause. Pause from the constant update on everyone's life and take a moment to enjoy the simple life. 

I think I had my mid-life crisis at 18 or 20... I know I'm crazy. It was on my birthday and I couldn't believe how old I had turned. I started to cry, mind you I'm not one who likes to cry especially not in front of people. For some reason the only thing I could think of was "what have I done with my life to this point?" I was anxious and felt as if I was running out of time. I felt like I hadn't yet made the impact that I wanted to make in this world. 

Now at 25 I realized I really just want to impact the people I meet and speak with on a day to day basis. I realized that my legacy is not going to be based on health, appearance, money, house , car etc but instead on the people I speak with and engage with.

I went on my first mission trip when I was 16 and every morning they had us repeat this declaration:

"Today, I will live honorably through my thoughts, actions, and speech. I choose to be full of faith; I will not only be a hearer but a doer of the Word of God. I will serve before I demand, I will love and not hate, and I will give before I take. Today, I choose to make a difference in this world and to be a part of something bigger than myself. I choose to dedicate my life to prayer and ask God for His miraculous power and the courage to do the impossible. I will make Godly relationships a priority in my life as I esteem others higher than myself. Today, I will live my life in such a way that I Will Change the World. "

Imagine the legacy we could leave if we lived our lives in this way. Imagine how our lives would look if we choose to dedicate our lives to prayer and to be a doer of the word of God. Let us leave a legacy in this world that ultimately brings all glory unto God. 

Inspire

The last few weeks I have been going through a Bible study with some amazing girls. Together we are trying to figure out where God has called each one of us. 

In the study we have listed things that bring us great joy, and also things that have brought us great suffering. We are learning how to use our gifts for God. Jennie Allen in her book Restless says "to hide our gifts or to deny them, or to compare and wish them away is not only taking from yourself; it is taking from God, his church, and a world that needs to see the expression of God you bring. It's the expression he designed you to bring."

I ask myself what was the expression I was designed to bring?

I want to inspire and empower, I want to create and live life in fellowship. How can I use those for God? In what areas should I invest in? When I was young I wanted to invest in EVERYTHING and now I realize that was foolish because I wasn't able to give my best to everything. As I mature I realize I want to invest in a few meaningful things, that will hopefully impact the world in some way.

 I am excited for the road laid out ahead!! Let us go forward and move towards the expression we were designed to bring to this world. 

Conflict

This past Sunday the message really struck home (you can listen to it here). The message was about spiritual erosion.

Relational erosion, physical erosion, any type of erosion is a slow process. It doesn't happen over night and sometimes you don't even realize it is happening.

Pastor Don pointed out three things that happen when spiritual erosion is occurring in our lives.

1.Spiritual Erosion is underway when disobedience to God is rationalized away. 

2.Spiritual Erosion is underway when we become casual about the holiness of God.

3.Spiritual Erosion is underway when we are willing to live with unresolved relational conflict.

I need to work on all three.

But the one that stuck out to me the most was "Spiritual Erosion is underway when we are willing to live with unresolved relational conflict".

I am not someone who likes to fight, truthfully I try to avoid drama of any kind at all cost. But regardless of that I still feel like there are certain people in my life that I have conflict with.

To confront someone takes strength and wisdom to say the correct words. Quite frankly it's easier to just avoid them.

The pride side of me wants to ignore it, the humble side of me wants to address the conflict.

Then I think to myself, maybe the person with which I am having conflict doesn't feel the same way...Maybe I am blowing things out of proportion and just need to let things go. I start rationalizing reasons why I should not confront them.

And then I read this verse,

Romans 12:18 NASB
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

God shows me that I am currently not living in that way. But again pride says "they don't matter". The reality is, I am afraid of people's reaction in confrontation. I keep playing the situation in my head and see them putting their defenses up and then gossiping to the rest of the world. However my intentions are for us to grow, be inspired, and move forward.

I guess I'm stuck...To confront or not confront?...That is the question.

My prayer for you this week is that unlike me you are bold and strong and are able to confront people so that you may "be at peace with all men".

Be bold friend.

Enough

Resting in knowing Christ is enough...

When I am tired... Christ is enough

When I am weak... Christ is enough

Through the struggle of the week... Christ is enough

In all my fears and anxiety ... Christ is enough

Christ is enough in every area of my life... Christ is enough. 

Waiting

                Waiting… with waiting comes trust. Trust in an omnipresent, all-knowing, and strong God. Currently my Husband and I are trying to have a baby. Each time I think that I might be pregnant I get excited only to realize I’m not pregnant. This last go around I was so sure that I was… and again I was confirmed not pregnant.

             I didn’t think that the process of becoming pregnant would be so emotional. I thought that I could attempt to get pregnant and not get attached to a fictional baby that at this point doesn’t exist. But it has been emotional, it has been disheartening.

           

                  However I find comfort in waiting. With so many things in my life including my husband, waiting in God is so much more rewarding. God has never forsaken me, and I can say that God’s timing surpass's anything that I can ever imagine. God holds me and has me in his hands. His plans are greater than mine, and my one heart’s desire is to live in the will of God. Through all this I say “May Your will be done”

Flawed

I am about to be raw and real.

 I have posted about this before but now I feel that I'm at a different place. I feel like God has revealed something to me that previously I hadn't seen.

I don't struggle with drugs, sex, or alcohol, I struggle with relationships. I struggle with truly letting people in. I pretend I'm letting them in, but I don't actually really let them in. I think it's a defense mechanism, because in the back of my mind I tell myself " Don't get to close, they will leave you ." This way if a friend makes a new friend or moves, I just keep moving never skipping a beat since I didn't let myself get to close. I end up not really caring... This defense mechanism created in me a bubble of isolation, and loneliness. I thought to myself  "I don't need friends, I am okay with a group of acquaintances."

But clearly this idea is flawed, and that is what God has been showing me. He has been showing me to open my heart, and not just say that I'm opening my heart but to truly open my inner most beings. To feel the joys and the sadness of what it is to be a true friend.

For the next years of my life here on earth, I will thrust myself forward and I will love wholeheartedly the people that God places in my path.