I have posted about this before but now I feel that I'm at a different place. I feel like God has revealed something to me that previously I hadn't seen.
I don't struggle with drugs, sex, or alcohol, I struggle with relationships. I struggle with truly letting people in. I pretend I'm letting them in, but I don't actually really let them in. I think it's a defense mechanism, because in the back of my mind I tell myself " Don't get to close, they will leave you ." This way if a friend makes a new friend or moves, I just keep moving never skipping a beat since I didn't let myself get to close. I end up not really caring... This defense mechanism created in me a bubble of isolation, and loneliness. I thought to myself "I don't need friends, I am okay with a group of acquaintances."
But clearly this idea is flawed, and that is what God has been showing me. He has been showing me to open my heart, and not just say that I'm opening my heart but to truly open my inner most beings. To feel the joys and the sadness of what it is to be a true friend.
For the next years of my life here on earth, I will thrust myself forward and I will love wholeheartedly the people that God places in my path.
